A great friend of mine once told me, “To be loved, is to be known”. While the other 4 of us in the car laughed and jeered as she (a bit terribly) explained what she meant in between her own cackles, it turns out she was absolutely right.
And in the same way you just then start seeing a car after someone you know happens to buy one, there I was, now seeing that phrase everywhere I went.
Settling for love that simply glances at you but does not recognize you is just that: a settle; an okay, mediocre way of accepting what you think you deserve.
Yet this phrase goes beyond partnership. To me, as of late, this phrase is directed only toward myself.
What do I like? What do I look for? What do I enjoy? What do I know about me? And if I know very little, then how much of me could I possibly love?
A self-love crisis is perfect to have just before summer starts.
Summer
[suh-mer]
noun, A season of reinvention, beach, flip flops, and the constant embrace or avoidance of visible body hair.
Hot Weather Dilemmas:
- Where to?
- Plane or car?
- Shave or wax?
- Gym? No?
- Iced latte or iced tea? Mimosa?
- Picnic or beach?
- Is this skirt too short?
- Who cares, really? (I do, a lot)
- Did you bring a speaker?
- Does anyone have a portable?
While everyone spends their Winter dreaming of Summer, and their Summer dreaming of Winter, I unluckily wish for Summer all year long. When I was younger, I told myself I’d move back somewhere tropical. Somewhere the ocean is never far out of reach. Somewhere I’d have the freedom to go and live in warmth for as long as I please. Those dreams seem a bit too far out of reach now, but a girl can keep dreaming as long she wishes.
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Book of the Month:
Funny Story
By Emily Henry
– I’m hooked, honestly. I will admit that Happy Place was not her favorite story of mine. People We Meet On Vacation and Beach Read will forever be my top two Emily Henry’s. However, I find this book so witty and entertaining, I have super high hopes.
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The Uncomfortable Giggle of Uncomfortable Women
As warm weather and imminent sweat looms over us the next few months, the clothes we wear start diminishing, while the objectification of men forever skyrockets.
The uncomfortable giggle of a woman trying to escape the unwanted attention of a man who cannot grasp a hint is unmistakable. Her smile does not reach her eyes, the giggle is short and breathy, usually followed by an awkwardly silent “Hi” or “Thank you”. Her body will always face in the direction of the nearest escape route.
Lately, for me, a man in my job’s building seems to have realized the time I take lunch and the gas station store I buy snacks in. No longer can I walk in unbothered, aiming for a bag of chips and maybe a chocolate bar, without being poked in the arm by this older man almost every day. Each time I glance at him, I picture him and his sly little smile behind the wheel of a Bus labeled Small-Talk. As the days pass, I watch him recklessly accelerate as close to the edge of Inappropriate as possible, careful to never go past it and topple over to his death.
That is what they do. Drive as close as possible to the cliff of Uncomfortable, just to see how much they can push it, until eventually, they go right over it, or they run out of gas.
Creepy-Man Land is unlike any other. There are roads of men slowing their cars down to greet women strolling and minding their business on sidewalks. There are death valleys of men who catcall and follow, leaving women wondering if this is the day they get attacked or killed for just ignoring. There are dark Forests and Cliffs and areas where they hide behind compliments with hidden meanings and uncomfortable topics of conversation.
“Boys will be boys” is no longer, as the citizens of the Land where creepy men reside are those who come home to their daughters, mothers, and wives, smiling in their faces and telling them about their day, leaving out their visits to Inappropriate cliffs and Flirtation valleys. Leaving out the sourness they bring about to another’s day.
In light of this issue that prevails year long, but even more so in summertime –because women cannot have anything in this world-, linked below are a few of the pepper sprays I feel are always important to keep around:
Words to Hear:
In The White Vanity:
Favorite Summer Scents
Summer Funk
[suh-mer fuh-n-k]
noun, see synonyms for: grajo (Hispanic word for fowl body odor, pronounced [grah-ho])
As the summer heat we all love gives way to summer funk and odors our noses are not made to handle, it’s important to know that one of the best compliments to receive is, “You smell really good,” especially in 90° weather. If you’ve never had that sentence directed towards you, or you simply don’t believe me, below are some of my favorite scents and products to use for overcoming all the little odors that summer tends to bring about.
And yes, it all starts with a shower, but more importantly, it never ends there.
Warning: clothes are only allowed after the next three products are on, and completely dry.
As a TJ Maxx lover and adorer, my gigantic Hemp Oil Retinol Body Lotion is my first post-shower step. You cannot just moisturizer your face, you must also moisturize your body, because what will you do with a smooth face and wrinkly body at your old age?
1. On damp skin, I like to apply a light layer of a thin lotion, with almost water-like consistency, not only because it dries quicker, but because lotions that are less viscous are a great first base when layering products on your body.
2. After this is dry, I go in with the Sol de Janeiro Bum Bum Body Firmeza Oil, which is probably the best smelling oil I’ve ever used: one pump for both arms, one pump for each leg, and one pump for the torso. I apply whatever is leftover on my neck to avoid breakouts. Body oil on top of a lotion will lock in all of the moisture from both products.
3. Finally, my absolute favorite part, but completely optional: Sol de Janeiro Bum Bum Cream. This one clearly goes on my bum and thighs, but any leftover gets spread onto my arms and torso, leaving the most delicious scent behind.
The Day Combo
My favorite summer day scents are sweet, fruity, nothing overbearing. At the moment, the combination that most reminds me of Passion Fruit and the Tropical Island I wish I was on: Brazilian Crush Cheirosa 40 Perfume Mist and the Sol De Janeiro x Anitta Perfume Mist (BEGGING Sol De Janeiro to bring this back). With hints of plum, honey, and vanilla, these are my current two favorite scents to layer for a summer day.
The Night Combo
I like my night scents to remind me of Carrie Bradshaw, kitten heels, dramatic earrings, lip liners, and the shortest mini skirt on earth. I always go in with the Sol De Janeiro Brazilian Crush Cheirosa 62 Perfume Mist everywhere, even the hair. On top of it, for the finishing touch, goes the MUGLER Angel Elixir Eau De Parfum: probably one of my favorite perfumes on this planet.
With a vanity stacked to the brim of perfumes, makeup, and skincare I have yet to combine and try, stay tuned for more In The White Vanity editions. ❤
Current Top Album:
Current Top Song:
Feeling Stuck When Life Piles On:
Life lately, to me, has felt eerily like the scene in A Quiet Place, when the child falls into the silo filled with corn, and she’s sinking in place. Except, in the silo I’ve found myself in, there is corn raining from the sky. It has no intentions of stopping. My head is bruised, and it’s up to my shoulders. I am just a head peeking out of the mountain of problems life thunders on top of me all at once. I have accepted that sooner or later, it is going to swallow me whole. With responsibilities, debt, work, and other problems that arise in life just because they can, I have never felt it more impossible to lift myself out of what feels like an infinitely sinking hole. But life works like that: things tend to pile onto you when you least need them to.
In the hardest times of my life, it’s easy to forget that I am currently living everything I once begged the Universe for, and that is always something to be grateful for.
And on the previous topic of settling:
For those of us who feel stuck, who feel like they are not progressing, like they’ve taken a job they have to almost cry to get out of bed for: I hope the dreams you have or once had are still alive and stashed somewhere within. Don’t let a temporary settle deter you from going after what you want. Take risks if you can, and if you can’t, don’t be so hard on yourself.
You are doing your best. You will get to where you want to go.
Happy Summer & Remember to Smell Nice ❤
– Love,
Ashley Gabriela
On The Green Sofa 
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