“Alexa, play happy music.”

My eyebrows furrowed together as What I Got by Sublime played through the small echo speaker.

I searched for Eat Pray Love on the TV above my dresser as I told Alexa to play it louder. We Didn’t Start The Fire by Fall Out Boy (or more famously, Dwight Schrute) was up next. Tonight, I wanted to be surrounded by noise. Not a shred of silence was allowed to overtake this apartment of mine. Not a dust bunny was permitted to be heard as my thoughts were now formulating into more tears, my chest sinking further and further into my body. 

The first time I watched Eat Pray Love was in college, passing through my first heartbreak with a boy who did nothing but say “Who cares?” when I told him to look at how pretty the stars were. The first time you see a movie like that feels euphoric. The first time your heart is broken like that, it’s the end of the world. 

The second time I watched Eat Pray Love, the heartbreak was self inflicted. I lived with a wound caused by making all the wrong choices and feeling like I was doing nothing right. Time was moving forward but I had been standing, stuck and still.

When I go through any break up, I watch Eat Pray Love. It’s my routine, because after the movie is over and all that’s left are the credits, life goes on. Something Great with Gina Rodriguez is okay, but it isn’t as classic, and I can’t get over her heebie jeebies.

Tonight, I watch Eat Pray Love and listen to a badly curated Amazon Music Playlist. I will watch Julia Roberts on my screen, drink too-warm rosé, and maybe cry. But tomorrow, I get up and I start over, because the world doesn’t end when things don’t work out the way we want it to. The world doesn’t end when that tiny desire of ours isn’t met, in comparison to the greater things that await you.

I set a stopwatch to run in the background of my phone as the TV screen darkens before the intro. I will stop it when I can’t even remember what it feels like to hurt over this anymore.

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This Week’s In’s & Out’s

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Song of the Week

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Podcast of the Week

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On My Mind:

A question:

If you had known that the last time you did something would be the very last, what would you have done differently?

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Book of the Week